FYI

this blog exists in a different time and space...

perhaps i'll crosspost over here another day, but the latest is always available at: http://www.trudatmusic.com/raw

peace... love... bdg...

grace in the midst of trials...

DAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!... i was about to post about how i'm in a rut and not feeling motivated to do much and how i got some pretty discouraging news about theTRu and how i'm stuck in a moment that i can't quite get out of and how i have to re-evaluate things yet again and how my budget is all screwed up and how things just seem so crazy and hectic and out of control and how it's tough to see my feet landing in front of me with each step and how i'm just frustrated and confused and felling like i'm getting ready to burn out and smack dab in the middle of all this... dropped into the middle of my office and soon to be dropped into my lap... is a brand spankin new laptop courtesy of my day job... that's pretty dang sweet... it's a monster too... gonna have some fun building that bad boy out, i'll tell you that much... but first... to accomplish today's goals... back later... PS. Check out the edited version of my Pigeon John Interview.... yes, edited... (the powers that be and all that jazz)... a completely unedited version will appear on theTRu sometime next week... currently listening to: Phil Joel - the deliberatePeople album Wovenhand - Mosaic Pigeon John - Summertime Pool Party Sandra McCracken - Gravity Love Bebo Norman - Between the Dreaming and the Coming True Brandon Heath - Don't Get Comfortable Krystal Meyers - Dying For a Heart Nevertheless - Live Like We are Alive Jonny Lang - Turn Around keeping an eye on... peace... love... bdg...

five years ago today...

FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY 11 September 2001 honestly i have no idea what to say and yet as i writer i have so much to say. this all seems so unreal and yet at the same time is is so hauntingly, chillingly real. Knowing that i have nothing to truly fear, i still fear. i cannot believe this, yet i know it to be true. i feel the evil, the thick black hand gripping this event. i have felt this level of evil before and recognize the tone. my mind screams nothing good will come of this and at the same time i know that God will work ALL things for the good of His will. it's at times like these i realize how little i know of important things. How little i've done. all my accomplishments, all my possessions, all my goals are merely temporal. i realize how little i have actually read of the Bible and how much i skimmed or skipped over. i can't help but realize that i have blown it in so many aspects of my life. i am overcome by helplessness when i should be bolstered by the strength i know exists for my benefit. i know God cares for me and loves me and will keep me as His own. and i can't help but feel as though i have let Him down. I have spent so much time exploring for new talents that i have neglected the ones i knew of. i have stretched my resources to a point where i have become a mediocre vessel. my only prayer is for God's direction and guidance as i devote all i have left solely to Him. i am so worn down that i know i need rest and at the same time i have so much to make up for . . . 12 September 2001 a cup is placed before me evil boils within it i know that i must drink it Your will and not my own. father this anxiety is crushing me i am not strong enough i pray you stay with me i cannot make it alone. this cup before me i cannot drink fear shakes my inner being i tremble at the very thought of it i feel my body and soul bleed. father take this cup from me i am unworthy of this divine task i recognize your sovereign will i realize the need. i grasp this cup before me these fingers that have sinned much are strengthened by your might i feel your power. father take this cup from me i beg you let it pass father i pray your will be done strengthen me this hour. - taken from my pre-blog blog: spiritvsFLESH.com peace... love... bdg...

shameless self promo

This is shameless, i know... but in lieu of an actual post... can i please share my enthusiasm about the successful relaunch of theTRu? THE NEW TRu - TRudATmusic.com yes, i'm excited and i'm devoting more time to making it work... i'm not dead... that is all... for now... currently listening to: Michelle Bonilla - Phenomenal Jars of Clay - Good Monsters Surreal & DJ Balance - Future Classic Anadara - Into the Unknown Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere keeping an eye on... peace... love... bdg...

i had a dream...

"we are bored of all the things we know..." interesting... This one came to me in a dream, so if it's incongruent or whatever, you know why... when i dream and remember it, i'm never quite sure why or, more importantly, if i got the whole thing... anyway, here goes... (enter dream state) i had lost someone close to me... i'm not sure who, but it the pain was so real, i knew that much was true... before i even have time for the weight of the news to settle in before the phone rings... a dear friend calling, not to console me, but to ask for prayer because he had lost someone as well... the lump in my throat grew as his words added to the weight already on my heart... but it wasn't over yet... as the day wore on i learned of numerous neighbors, church members, family, friends and mere acquaintances who were all dealing with the sudden loss of someone close to them... my own loss seemed so much less significant as i shared in the grief of others, agonizing in harmony as we dealt with the loss together... oddly enough, we found ourselves gathered at a service of sorts and, out of my character, i volunteered to speak in front of everyone... we couldn't figure out why all these "tragedies" had occurred at once... what was the reasoning behind it?... how could God do this to us all... why?... it didn't make sense to any of us... i chose to read from the book of Lamentations... even though many in attendance weren't Christians and some were decisively against the idea of reading from Scripture, it seemed that the words reached beyond all these barriers and, in the midst of our common fate, everyone seemed to hang on each word... this book that many people ignore suddenly had a wealth of significance and, with a captive audience, it was amazing to hear the Word of God speak and to watch the effects thereof as each syllable was absorbed... it was sometime during this presentation, as i looked out on the crowd, when it dawned on me... this eclectic group of individuals from all walks of life, whom i knew from different avenues of my life, had all intersected here at this moment to listen to God speak... and the only explanation for this was tragedy... tragedy had created a forced community based on a common emotion and struggle... and through this community, God was at work... God was redeeming this tragedy before my very eyes... if you noticed, in the last thought, the "tragedy" became a single event... that's because it was about this time that it was i who had died... (which explains my willingness to speak in front of everyone)... though, i'm sure it's somewhat egotistic to imagine such a turnout and reach, the point was driven home and i quickly awakened with a cold chill... (end dream state) now, i'm not sure about this dream... where exactly it came from or all that it was meant to be, but i suspect that it has to do with the fact that i just recently read through Lamentations, a book that has held a special place in my heart the last few years after it had been explained to me in a new way... i'm also reading through David Crowder's book about death and loss... and maybe there's more going on here than i know... i had this dream before i went up to visit my parents and during the trip, my mom asked me why life is so hard... i don't really agree that life is all that hard, but it's a question that i've heard and been asked before... this time, though, in light of this dream, i was quick to respond that life is difficult, because trials force us into a state of community which is what we were made for... this is how we're wired... anyway, just felt like sharing that, and i've learned to go with it when i have a feeling like that... Quick tidbits... HM article came off without any reall hitches, got some new reviews in the works, got a RunDown coming today or tomorrow covering some intrumental albums, got a whole lot of stuff going down over at theTRu... the redesign is looking pretty slick and coming together nicely... on schedule to launch at the end of the week... and hopefully, it will be the beginning of my exodus... more on that another time... so, i'm busy busy busy, but i'll try to get another entry up sometime this week, perhaps one that doesn't include me dying, but no promises... lots to write this week... and lots to do... ps. anyone seen that crazy Janke guy lately? he's fallen off the wagon... currently listening to: Salvador - Dismiss the Mystery Anadara - Into the Unknown Hundred Year Storm - Hello from the Children of Planet Earth Last Tuesday - Become What You Believe The Cross Movement - Chronicles: Greatest Hits Vol. 1 Lecrae - After the Music Stops keeping an eye on... peace... love... bdg...